I saw the doctor yesterday and the diagnosis could have been better but it also could have been worse. And even tho I will probably live to a ripe old age the visit got me thinking about life.

Twenty-six years ago I was diagnosed with a life threatening cancer.  I was much younger and pretty much took it in stride. Of course I worried some but I don't remember it being a life changing experience that some have when facing possible death. After all I was in my 30's and still thought I was invincible.  My life went on as usual interrupted by 3 months of radiation treatments.  I didn't look at life as a gift anymore after than I did before. I pretty much thought life was a gift but I didn't always treat is as one. 

Yesterday was different. I am much older and maybe a little wiser. So I started thinking and the reality is none of us know how much time we have, yet most of us live as if we have forever.  The older we get we realize that isn't true but if your like me there is still so much time wasted doing things that don't count.

My son just got a job as a one on one aide with a little guy who's time on earth is limited, because of his condition. He told his wife he was going to make the rest of this little guy's life great. He is making a difference. This morning I sat in McDonalds and let this 81 year old man talk about his life for 2 hours. He had some amazing stories to tell. I think he is lonely and I believe I gave him a gift by listening with great interest. These are the kind of things I am talking about. We don't have to go out and change the world but we can make a difference in those around us. Sometimes I just sit at the computer or waste time in other ways. There is nothing wrong with down time, we all need it, but there is something wrong if our down time is more then the time doing something that counts. Simple things, like being with your family, friends, or visiting someone who is lonely. Saying thank you in the stores when people help you, smiling at those around you, even praying for those in need or picking up a phone and calling someone.

I don't want to be that person anymore who yells at other drivers, maybe there day isn't going so great, maybe the old person driving 20 miles an hour just lost a loved one or is scared to death they will lose their license. Even the people who deserve to be yelled at while driving usually have a reason for being the way they are. My goal is to see others as Christ sees them. I am not very good at this now and tend to be very judgmental. I want to be better. I want people to wonder why I am positive and friendly. This is not my true nature but it can be through Christ.

So this time around with the big C, I want it to change me. I want to realize life is brief whether you live to be 30 or 100. Our lives are a blink of an eye to God but each moment matters to Him. I want to live life with excitement, joy and always wondering what is next to conquer. I want to continue to see the world and to give my girls the best life possible. I want to spend time with my boys and their families, even when I can't always afford to or am too tired to make a drive. I want to treasure my friends and I want to quit wishing I lived by the ocean or actually most anywhere except Fresno and enjoy where God has me planted right now. This doesn't mean I will always get it right but it does mean I am going to focus on each day as the day God has given me. None of us know tomorrow but I do know He holds my future.