I wrote this about 5 years ago. It's a good post, but after I read it again, I realize I haven't grown or changed much. Now I wonder if I ever will. At this time, I am being forced to. At least in the financial part of my life. There was another post, that I deleted, that talked about the trouble I have with one of my daughters, and how I need to find a way to fix it. That is still a problem and there is still no answer. Is it just me, or does everyone struggle with doing better? Do we all just spin our wheels? I am sure I have learned something along the way, but that depends on my mood. Oh well, here is the post, and it is worth re-posting.
Okay, I am sort of singing my own praises here, but there is a purpose behind it.
One of our pastors put a very nice comment about the girls on Facebook. He told how they uplifted his spirits, and reminded him of how love was more important than all the gifts in the world. Then he paid me a very sweet compliment. He said my uncanny devotion, haunts his small spirit and challenges him to love, laugh and labor more for God's people.
This really caught me off guard. I have never thought of myself in these terms. I know I love my girls, and of course my whole family, but I have never had anyone express this, in these terms.
I thought about it for awhile and then I realized, I am devoted and that is a major part of who I am.
I tend to focus on all the mistakes that I have made in life, both big and small. Today I was finishing some outdoor curtain panels for my patio. I bought some pretty nice material and sewed it to the plain white curtains I had. I did it the easy way, but tried very hard to make it look really good, and not make any big mistakes. Well that didn't work out as planned. One is longer then the other. One hooks on the rod, with the rod showing in front, and the other, with the rod showing in back. I sewed them opposite of each other. There were some other issues too, but all don't need to be mentioned. So I berated myself for awhile, called myself stupid and got mad over the money I spent on these curtains. But in the large scheme of things, does it really matter. They look good, match the furniture and serve their purpose.
I tell you this story, because this is how I treat myself, more than I would like to admit. My sister is always telling me to stop. To see the cup half full. Because of her encouragement in this, I am way better then I used to be.
I also do this with how I mother the girls. I get mad over silly things, yell when it's not necessary and don't always encourage like I should. But these times are few, compared to all that I do with and for them. I am devoted above all else. My devotion to giving my girls the best life possible, far surpasses any thing else in my life. This gives me encouragement for the times I fail. It gives me the encouragement for the times I think I should have done more. It gives me encouragement for living the everyday life, which can be mundane or exciting. I am defined by my family, and on a daily basis by my girls. This is the life I wanted, and I try to live it as best as I can.
So next time I sew the curtains wrong, or burn the dinner, or yell when it's not necessary, I will try to remember, to learn from my mistakes, but above all, remember that I am DEVOTED.